So, Megan told me this evening that most soap doesn’t really kill germs. ….huh? Apparently, only anti-bacterial soap kills germs. Regular soap just lubes ‘em up like greased pigs and helps you to send them squealing down the drain. She must have sensed my skepticism as to the effectiveness of this practice. She then informed me that you should really be washing your hands, scrubbing vigorously, for about as long as it would take to sing a stanza of the “Star Spangled Banner.” Well, great. That brings up a whole new issue.
The real question here is, about as long as it would take who to sing the “Star Spangled Banner?” ‘Cause, if it’s just me humming it to myself, then it’s a reasonable idea. …but if we’re talking about Mariah Carey or Celine Dion singing the “Star Spangled Banner,” then I’ll be in the bathroom for well over a third of my life. Ever notice that when someone *important* sings it, every word has eleven damn syllables? It’s like they’re all getting the star treatment. ….except for “over”. Every word gets longer by roughly 173%, except for “over,” which gets cut in half. Why take out the V? It’s the only interesting letter in that whole word. It’s just mean.
